‘Boss?’
‘You know my name, you can use it.’
‘Everybody calls you boss. Why would i be different?’
‘You are still not one of us.’
And that’s why i wanted to talk. I was living here for more than two years. Nobody bullied me. No physical or mental assault, but no real connection either. It was a workplace, full of unknown monsters.I got respect, i was recognized, but not embraced.
Connecting the dots, knowing this world was truly hard. Endorsement, stubbornness, and alertness were my main partners.Food, hygienics and utilities
were no problems, just my social life. Imagine losing every contact- family, friends, your job, your home. The change was sudden and rushed. Still, it gave me insane amounts of self-esteem,dreams… and new fears.
‘Well, that’s the point.’ i started. ‘Can you make me one of you?’
He laughed. With full of heart.’Do you think i do that a lot? Select people, recruit them, then turn them into one of us?’
‘No, only with the strong people.And either that i am very strong, or you threatened the others to not hurt me…am i that weak or is it something so weird that noone talks about?’
‘I’m listening.’
What? No anger, disappointment, rejection. He’s like my big brother i’ve never had. Supporting, funny, looked upon…
‘Am i a test subject?’
‘The only thing i’m testing here is loyalty. In every team, colony or kindred, a leader needs that. And you’ve proven that a long time ago. So i’m listening. What do you want? Another status, a new name? A house far away? Do you need dark matter?’
Yes, i heard about his famous calmness when i was a fan. Then i thought he was a regular man with a rock band, who likes to put up a good show… Then, at my first concert he chose me over a huge fanatic girl, claiming me as his new follower. I was seriously baffled of the claims that he was a monster. Well, what would you choose?An eccentric showman, or a magical being? He could drink human blood, could eat raw flesh, but at one time i saw a human turn to dust, after he sucked her out. The dust was carried away by the wind. I searched after her on the internet, she was reported as a missing person. He could turn into a black smoke. Or invisible. But the most terrifying were his mind games. I learnt that there were no special effects on the concert. He convinced almost one thousand people, with his mental abilities, thats stars and cosmic clouds above us were real. We smelled, watched, heared things unknown when we were on his concert. And we even felt something mind-boggling yet we were clinged to just be there. It was cathartic.
‘Make me one of you. I don’t know other ways and to be honest i didn’t even bother to find… I know i can leave anytime, without any threats, and i could restart my life, fresh, but i decided not to. I wanna learn, continue this life, but not as a human. If it involves dark matter, building a dome, or mutual masturbation, i don't care. The only problem is, i’m still stuck on what YOU want from me.’
‘She likes you.’
‘Who?’
‘After 2 years, no, 2 weeks, you have the idea who.’
I knew one, but she had many names. During my fan years i learnt most of the lyrics, and i was rather curious. Who was his Trouble queen? The Bringer of doom, the She who called me afar? When i was here, i learnt new ones. Usual names, or alarming names: My Pain, My Victim, My Death… It was confusing, yet intriguing.
‘Was she really on the stage 2 years ago?’
‘Does it matter now?It wasn’t even 2 years ago…’ he smiled, almost sweetly. ‘ Prepare for a bit. Meet me in the entrance of the arena, in an hour. Dress however you’d like.
I went to my room. Mainly, to figure out what i heard.
What would Amelie say when she’d see this? There’s a mistake, she should be the part of this? Normalcy was a flaw in our eyes. We trusted each other, based upon our fandoms, our desires, our fears. Up until that night, life was weird, and industrial music was mediocre. Everyone wanted to be different, yet noone knew how to start or what to do. Hearing about the band and getting the tickets were fine. Ignoring my other friends’ texts, emails were shockingly exhausting. At first it looked like they were worried. Then jealousy came in, and never left. I did not want to meet them because i feared i might bash their face on a dining table.One by one . I wasn’t here to be a groupie, or some new sidekick. Wanting a weird but cozy place is so bad? Oh, yeah, the blood licking, brain eating? The occasional killing? I could eat the bad guys,if my moral compass wouldn’t be so broken. Guess i’ll hang around here till i die… Wait, that’s the catch. I can live longer. I’ll have plenty of time to figure out my skills. Non-human, too.
I wore a cheap green dress, silky above the breast, lace below the waist. Mixed, bit tasteless. and always gets you attention for the wrong reasons. Barefoot, but with a small pearly bracelet. Otherwise, no jewelry. I walked through many corridors, until i found myself at the rear exit. Close to it, there was a small line waiting to be let into the arena’s auditorium. Will there be a show? It was noon. The sun was high up…
I went to the other entrance, i guessed i won’t be a viewer if i didn’t know about the context.
He stood there, in fresh clothes, joyful yet distant. Copper colored shirt, his hair combed to the left. And his trousers were crazy! Small chains, rings, buckles.
‘ Will there be a show? There wasn’t any you attended in a long time!’
He grabbed me by my arm and we went exactly in the center of the arena. There was a big mattress, on each side there were big black flowers, like callas. I saw 3 silver goblets, one empty, one half full of some liquid- looked a bit shimmery, and it was blue and gold. In the third, there was a type of fruit, only i’ve never seen one, even in pictures.
‘ What is this? Looks like a bad goth ritual. Or a play, but we are not in a theater, and boss… There are way too many people during daytime, on a Monday!’
‘ Oh yeah, it was a bit hard to organize this in one hour, and i only had the silver goblets ready. ‘
A red haired guy came and handed him a microphone. The feeling in my stomach was oddly familiar, still i feared what would happen here… in broad daylight. Maybe i’m just going mad. Clinically.
‘Greetings, dear fans, and those who are just a tiny bit too curious…Today will be a very special day to this young lady next to me. First, let’s get her comfortable.’
And just like that, I flew onto the mattress, and the flowers covered me except my head. What on earth was happening? He started to walk in circles around me. There were some people in the arena, but i got the impression of them being just guards or some helpers for the show. I still didn’t know why it involved me. Making me a bloodshedder could have been done in one minute, without thousands of people,without these strange settings.
‘ Second, you should know that i met her during my first concert. Do you know when that was?’
The audience shouted “twelve years”. What were they talking about, it was only two years ago. I am certainly not that old or dumb.
‘ Exactly! That was an exquisite show! It filled me with joy, wonder, and i also welcomed a new member of my kind. Up until this day, she thought the rest didn’t hurt her because i wouldn’t let them. Now she has to learn some things. Everyone thought she was just a plaything! What noone else but me knew, that for her initiation, time had to pass differently. So i manipulated her mind. In reality, she suffered the first part in isolation, in a wooden house near a lake. After she drank some of the liquid, 70 days had to pass, so toxicity can transform into power. I began training her on the 71th day, at noon. You can study so much with the right start, can’t you? Now, on this day, she wanted to be fully in. You, my dear audience, will see a unique embracing, a bizarre but solemn show. After all, it is my method! If you don’t want to be just a regular vampire, or the ordinary werewolf next door… watch this!’
The flowers loosened, they only covered my hands and feet. The weight of them was heavy as steel. I started to cry as memories came back. Of the training, every seven year of it. Delightful, rigid, fantastic, fearful, creative, gorey, therapeutic. And the seventy days before it… Excruciating. At least i could get my mind back. Not that i would see more clearly, or if i would change my mind. No, it became intense.
He cut the fruit open with his claws. The skin of the fruit was scaly and light green, and the flesh was purple with gold stripes. He squeezed it on me, and it seemed like my skin absorbed it, i didn’t feel a thing.
‘The third and the last thing, her name is Mary.’
He made me drink the liquid.
‘What was… what was it?’ I felt dizzy. I had brain fog, and my smell was gone. But my hearing went from normal to hyper.
After putting down the microphone, the helpers came closer. I was one hundred percent sure the mic wasn’t plugged in, and it was only for entertainment. The acoustics of this place were wild.
‘Dark matter. Without consuming anything, it won’t work. This is a ritual, darling. Clogging your mind was the first task, now we follow up with the body.’
I looked around, the audience was silent, but tense. Some were standing up, some used binoculars to watch the show carefully. They were terribly curious.
‘Which one do you like? From the helper squad?’ he asked. ‘They were quick to organize this, helped me to find the fruit, and make the liquid.’
I found myself watching them, as i usually did. If anything, it was fine, but valuable here. Not creepy, not funny. ‘I like the woman in the saggy red clothing.’
He ripped her heart out. I was shocked. Some of the audience screamed in terror. Some of them applauded. And i am not innocent, i watched many people die here. But why ask who i like if he would murder anyone i choose?
He sat close to me, with the heart in his hands. Everything he did was unexpected, and even if it was an agenda, it was the thrill people needed. That sweet smile, and the naughty gaze everyone got from him…
And with that, he rubbed the heart on my skin like you would do with a bath sponge. As a human, it would be disgusting. In this torture, it felt relieving.
‘You have no respect, conscience, and no… no exit when it comes to satisfying one’s biggest desire.’
‘You are so welcome.’ When he was finished, he put the heart in the empty goblet. His hands changed under a minute- his claws grew bigger but thinner, his fingers morphed into each other. I looked into his eyes, searching for something i could pretend to understand. I smiled when he dug his hands into my skull- each one on the sides.
It could have been minutes or hours, i only saw him. I tried to get away but even with insane amount of willpower, i couldn’t move one centimeter. My hearing was literally inside- i heard my veins, something rumbling, and a whooshing sound. Constantly, yet separately. I concentrated on the whooshing sound, while the flowers started to fly. It was so beautiful- seeing a seed growing into a sprout, but then you would use your mind to grow it into its full form.
As it turned out, the sound was my chosen skill. And when i got back my other senses, i saw two more helpers slaughtered- by my sound.
‘ Get up, darling. You are fine now.’
‘ You still didn’t tell me why. You claimed me for fun, but why did you want me to stay’
His hands were normal now, and besides the heart and the three helpers, i didn’t see blood. I touched my head, nothing. He took of his shirt - i heard screams again, fangirl-screams-, and he put it on me.
‘ Let’s go inside.’
‘The reason, Deimos.’
‘Well, i guess, everybody needs a Mary.’
